By Susan Battley

The CEO of a national retail chain and I recently reviewed her senior executive team with an eye to succession planning. She identified one of her regional heads as a strong  candidate. At the same time she voiced concerns about his ability to inspire teamwork and followership.

“He’s absolutely brilliant with the business side.   But he can ‘YES, BUT’ you to death,” she said.  “I’ve told him straight out that he needs to be less the expert ‘operations guy’ and more the leader. ”

It may sound paradoxical, but I have found time and again that being an expert – such as a subject matter or industry expert - can interfere with being an effective leader or manager.   Here’s why.

When a manager is in “expert mode, “ whether consciously or not, he or she is also in error-detection mode. “YES, BUT” is a time-honored approach among experts for debating ideas, testing assumptions, and identifying fact from falsehood. Finding exceptions, flaws or loopholes is in an expert’s DNA, whether the issue at hand is a line of software code, a fabric dye lot, or a legal contract.

However, when you are leading or managing people, the words  “YES, BUT” can wreak havoc by paralyzing teamwork, crippling projects, and limiting otherwise promising executive careers.

Beginning a sentence with “YES BUT” automatically shifts communication into a verbal contest or outright dismissal.  When we’re on the receiving end of “YES, BUT,” we typically react defensively even before the speaker has finished making his or her point. Often we don’t even take in the entire message because we’re furiously preparing our counter-response. Or, if we sense that continuing the discussion is too risky or futile, we opt to shut down and shut up. In other words, “YES, BUT” triggers a “fight-or-flight” response.

In my experience, leaders and managers who identify strongly with their expert status are particularly at risk of falling into the “YES, BUT” trap.  And management today is replete with experts: attorneys, accountants, information technology and human resource professionals, economists, healthcare specialists, scientists, etc.

Also at high risk are those who by nature have a strong competitive streak, and who relish the psychic rewards of one-upmanship and winning. Their need to be “right” or to have the final word has become an ingrained habit, often outside of their conscious awareness.  However, what they perceive as a strength and asset, others who must work with them regard as argumentative, egotistical  and destructive. Ironically, executives who succumb to the “YES, BUT” trap win the game but lose the tournament.  They lose the minds and hearts of those essential to supporting and advancing their success. People like peers and staff. Or, as in the case of the retail chain CEO I mentioned earlier, superiors or sponsors.  Teamwork, collaboration and morale can all suffer.

Words That Work

You can avoid the “YES, BUT” trap with these simple, yet powerful communication techniques. I call them Words That Work.

Technique 1. Substitute “AND” for “BUT.” What a difference one word can make.! Say “YES, AND” instead of “YES, BUT” in your responses.  When you start with “YES, AND,” you are adding your thoughts to the discussion rather than dismissing the other person’s.  You are able to to state your opinion while maintaining interpersonal rapport and a cooperative stance.  This approach is not just diplomatic; it’s highly effective in building consensus, fostering partnership, and achieving high employee and customer satisfaction.

Consider the difference between these two replies to a request for project seed money. Say them each out loud.

* “Yes, but the budget has no provision for these expenses.”
* “Yes, and the budget has no provision for these expenses.”

The “YES, BUT” reply implies, “So there! End of discussion, or be willing to take me on.”
By contrast the “YES, AND” version makes the same point but without throwing down the gauntlet. Rather, you’re indicating agreement on some level, which makes it easier to discuss the matter further or for the other person to agree with your point.

Technique 2. Engage in Artful Questioning. When you feel the urge to utter a “YES, BUT,” take a deep breath instead. Exhale slowly to the count of five. Then frame your objection or point as a question. Keep your tone and demeanor pleasant.

For example, staying with the same funding request scenario:

* “Have you (or we) considered that the budget has no provision for these expenses?”
* “I don’t see funds in the budget for these expenses. Am I missing something?”

Other artful questions to consider adding to your general repertoire include:

* “ How did you reach this conclusion?” (And avoid a “YES, BUT” reply to the person’s explanation.)
* “Should we also consider [fill in the blank]?”

These questions are tactful ways to add your two cents and get your point across without butting heads or egos.

Final Observations

To be effective as a leader or people supervisor, you must expand your communication and interpersonal skills beyond those of the technical guru or hard-ball salesperson.   Being an expert is necessary but not sufficient. So the next time the words “YES, BUT” form on your lips, pull back from trap! Instead, use Words That Work.  With practice, they will become winning habits.

Copyright © Susan Battley, PsyD, PhD. All rights reserved.